He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
