Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
