...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Randomize
