i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
