What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I could make wine with my vomit
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
