it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
