What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
