I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
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