I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
never play flip cup with pint glasses
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Randomize
