I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
