put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
i think i just lost a toe
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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