Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Randomize
