At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
