Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
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