Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
