I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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