Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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