I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
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