you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
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For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
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Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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