Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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