i need an iv and a liver transplant
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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