i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
