I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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