I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
