me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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