He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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