Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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