The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
your room smells of hookers.
And success
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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