What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
