Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Randomize
