I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
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