96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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