I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
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You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
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Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Just puked most of my soul out..
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
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