im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
