It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
