i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
