Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
