I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Randomize
