Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
