My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
