why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I love how my cats smell like pot.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
i think my cat just said my name.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Randomize
