The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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