do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
