Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize