TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
