I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
There's always time for handjobs
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
They have beer where we have blood.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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