We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
