He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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