he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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