last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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