If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Randomize
