She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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