Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Randomize
