dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
