Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
