____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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