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I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
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