I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Randomize
