so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
