I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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