i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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