I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
