is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Randomize