I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
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