i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Randomize
