How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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