This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
