I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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